what a #1 hit-single would be like if it were written by someone with the maturity of a 6 year-old and not a multi award-winning alternative rock band

[to be sung to the tune of 'Sex on Fire' by Kings of Leon]

Yesterday drinking,
drinking all day.
Skulling the lager,
sweet nectar.

Then out for a curry,
I did it again.
Ordered a Balti,
a hot one.

Owwwww, my ring is on fire!

Initial rumble,
run to the loo.
It's touching the cloth,
just made it.

Sting of the first one,
eyes start to sweat.
Feels like I'm dying,
I'm dying.

Owwwww, my ring is on fire!
Making me perspire!

Hot as a fever,
rumbling guts.
Hoop like an oven,
a Hotpoint.

It's nearly over,
thank fuck for that.
Oh no, there's more,
it's coming, it's coming.

Owwwww, my ring is on fire!

Oww Owwwww, my ring is on fire!
Feels like barbed wire!

Oww Owwwww, my ring is on fire!
It's truly dire!